I have exactly 127 Days 22 Hours 48 Minutes 48 Seconds left to become exactly who I want to be. I’m generally happy with where I am in life but I want more, I want to be someone I can be truly proud of. It might sound kinda silly but I promised myself I would be exactly who I want to be by my next birthday. I will be spending the next few months searching deep within myself to find the root of all the things I hate about myself, digging them up, and planting new seeds to live a healthier life. I just want to be happy with myself, I think then my life will fruition into what it is destined to be.

The first thing I want to start doing again is photographing and blogging about all the stuff I experience. I end up doing so much in one week its crazy, yet I honestly barely have enough friends to talk about it. I have a lot of acquaintances, but barely anyone who I think would care to hear about it. In that sense blogging would be great for me to vent, decompress, and remember all the things I go through. It would also be cool if in some way documenting everything makes someones week a little more tolerable.  I used to photograph my adventures so much in high school and one day I just kinda stopped, so I’m excited to get back into this again. Btw the photographs in here are randomly selected from the adventures I have the week before.

The second thing I want to do is get into better workout and diet routines. I never really opened up about this but I ended up getting blood work done last year. I asked my doctor to give me my results and the receptionist was quick to say everything was fine “If we found anything we would’ve called you”. I insisted that they send me my results, I ended up getting physical copies from the doctors office. I quickly skimmed through everything and on the last page there was a summary section, in bold letters there were three lines…..high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and high levels of fat in my blood. We’re talking some of the highest limits for all three, I was furious. I mean how much easier can your job be, flipping to the last page and reading the fucking summary. Needless to say I went “apeshit” on the receptionist for being a lazy piece of shit. After looking into all the causes of these symptoms it would’ve most likely led to heart disease and stokes if left unchecked….or unaware. It all came down to how shitty my diet was and my lack of exercise. The scary thing is that I’m still fairly young, I feel like I eat like any other normal person my age does, so I was completely shocked when I saw how bad my results were at 26. I can totally see why people end up getting fucked up from health problems in their 30’s & 40’s, luckily I am aware now.

Right now I’m roughly 210 pounds with about 30 pounds from my dick fat…ha ha. I think my build is roughly medium but according to my BPI I’m obese lol. I fucking hate cardio with a burning passion, I enjoy lifting weights, and I am struggling to make time to be able to consistently work out more. The most important thing is getting more control over my dieting, I’ve been gloriously stuffing my fat double chinned face with Chipotle for the past 3 months. It needs to change, I need to meal prep. I’ve tried a variety of diets last year including a high protein diet, low carb diet, and a bunch of other random bullshit that just left me feeling hungry or weak. I’ve decided to limit myself to 5 meals a day, I am going to start my day with a balanced protein, veggie, and carb breakfast, two hours later im going to jump into a veggie and fruit mix as a snack, two hours later I’m going to do a balanced protein and veggie meal, two hours later a protein shake, and after my workouts another balanced protein, veggie, and carb dinner. It’s going to take a lot of discipline and dedication to turn this into a habit, I’m going to have to get up earlier to find the time to add this to my daily routine, but I want to get into better shape. I want to feed confident when I take my shirt off and I want to start addressing my health issues now, its kinda stupid but even writing about this makes me have this stronger sense of wanting to commit to this further. If you’ve been feeling like you’ve been wanting to get into better shape or eat healthier reach out to me, lets encourage one another to keep going!!

The third thing I want to change is my sleeping habits. I currently naturally wake up around 11am and go to bed around 4am, I start my office around 1pm and bust my ass off til about 10pm every day. Right now that schedule barely accommodates my daily work needs my company needs, it doesnt allow time for working out, cooking, decompressing, and generally having time to myself. My weekends are consumed by events or having to go out to network, Sunday’s I generally have off but I typically use them to plan my next week. I’ve always told myself I wasn’t a morning person but the bottom line is that I need to change my sleeping schedule. Ideally I want to wake up at 8am and be in bed by 11:30pm, this would give me an additional 4 hours a day, which translates into another 20 hours a week. I could use 1 hour to plan and prioritize my day, another hour to workout properly, a third hour to meal prep, and a forth to spend doing something I want to do. I honestly struggle with stress now, I think getting up earlier will help me manage my stress better  and free up my Sundays to adventure and blog.

Its hard to build habits over night, in fact it takes roughly 44 days of repetition to build a new habit. With that in mind I plan on coming into work 30 minutes early each day, yesterday I went in at 12:30 instead of 1, tomorrow I will be in by 12, the day after that 11:30, and I plan on continuing to do this until I can start at 9am consistently. I know even this model is likely to have a high chance of failure but my consistency will help me reach my goal. Once I hit 9am I want to stretch it to 6am, I once read that most successful people start their days off at 6am lol. This is going to be my largest obstacle because I seriously love sleeping and I have insanely vivid dreams, my dreams seem so real and they’re fucking awesome. Sometimes my dreams involve accomplishing my goals at work, hardcore zombie outbreaks, and other times I’m just having a ton of sex ha ha.

The forth thing I want to do is become more self sufficient mentally and emotionally. It’s a strange thing to acknowledge that I am not fully self sufficient mentally, but I know I struggle with motivation on a daily basis. I pull a lot of my motivation from my beliefs in fate, my work ethic,  and random experiences that kind of just pop up. I look at my motivation like a flame that needs wood manually fueled into it, I pull the fuel from small things consistently. Sometime the fuel is people, conversations, energy, motivational videos on Youtube, conversations with my business partner, women, and special moments. Each one only lasts in that moment and a trace of that motivation lasts into the next day, its a constant effort to maintain my motivation.  I want to form a stronger understanding of my motivation, something that is mentally tangible that wont require so much work to maintain, a true sense of purpose to push myself forward. The emotional this is weird too because I don’t have a lot of people I can really relate to anymore. This year I plan on taking my company into new waters, doing larger things I never thought I would’ve had the opportunity to step into, things I know I’m not completely prepared for, but none the less I’m still going for it.

This year will test how big my balls are, if I can accomplish what I think I’m capable of, if I will alpha over my own weaknesses. I’ve sacrificed so many relationships, friendships, and other opportunities to commit my life to this dream of leading a better path for local concerts and curating music festivals. This year will define if it was all in vain or if this is truly what I was intended to do in this life. I want it with my whole heart, but that wont be enough to make everything fruition into reality. Needless to say what I do takes a huge emotional toll on me, I purposely distance myself from friends so I can focus more, I decline going out so I can work more, I avoid relationships because I don’t want anyone to influence my motivation, and I try my best to just stick to what needs to be done. I get tempted to call up ex’s, people I was intimate with, or old friends just to have someone to talk too that has nothing to do with my work. I know better, going down that route will end up displacing my energy and motivation, and right now I really need it. So I’ll maintain that awkward stagnant feeling of getting by and working on my bad habits. I’ll spend every day working on these things and becoming who I want to be…..someone who kills it at work, photographs every week, blogs, eats consistently, workout consistently, wakes up early consistently, and is self sufficient mentally and emotionally.

127 Days 21 Hours 27 Minutes 33 Seconds to go….